Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Tired Family

[Rachel and Simon have just learned that Grampa is not related to them. Each thought he was related to the other. They have no idea where he came from]

Rachel: What are we going to do with him? I really thought he was your Grampa.

Simon: Well, I thought he was yours.

Grampa: Is that a new dress, Timmy?

Rachel: I'm not wearing a dress.

Grampa: Not you. I meant Timmy.

Rachel: Simon doesn't wear dresses.

Grampa:  Too bad. Back in the day I always looked forward to the girls wearing dresses when the weather got warm.

Rachel: Who do you think wears dresses?

Grampa: Timmy.

Rachel: [whispering] Let's just bash his head in with a shovel and bury him in Mrs. Kravitz's garden.

Simon: Fine by me. I'll go get one.

Grampa: Oh, I've pooped by britches.

Rachel: That's okay. We'll get you some clean ones.

Grampa: Thanks Timmy.

Simon: [carrying a shovel] Let's get it over with.

Grampa: Oh, I like the garden.

Rachel: Well, we're so glad to hear that. [Grabs the shovel and hits him in the head]

Simon: That ought ta do it.

Rachel: Let's get the wheel barrow. We'll wheel him out.

Grampa: Can we have ice cream?

Rachel: You're not dead?

Grampa: No, but I think I pooped myself again, Timmy.

Simon: [Takes the shovel and smacks Grampa] That should do it.

Grampa: I don't want vanilla.

Simon: Why can't he die?

Grampa: Back in the war the government gave us ice cream. We didn't poop ourselves back then.

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