Thursday, November 14, 2013

Hotel Management?

I’ve been working in the hotel business for quite some time. When you work in the hotel business you notice things about human nature. One observation I’ve had is that hotel guests, for some inexplicable reason, become completely helpless the minute they check in. They can earn a living, remember their kids’ names and successfully find their home each evening, but check them into a hotel and such tasks become instantly impossible for them. Not only do they become helpless: "I can’t turn my TV on", but they also become convinced that hotel employees are all knowing oracles available 24 hours a day to dispense wisdom for them. I honestly expect one will soon come to me with a ticking bomb and ask "Can you disarm this for me?"

Case in point: A few days ago a guest came to me and asked, "How do you get shit out of a car?"

To which I replied: "Excuse me?"

Apparently, someone had taken a dump in his unlocked car. I was supposed to profess some wisdom as to how to solve this dilemma as if I were the Oracle at Delphi. "How about some paper towels?"

"Yeah, thanks," the guest replied. And a few minutes later, he returned, demanding still more attention. "Man, it sinks in there."

"I"ll see if housekeeping has some air freshener," I offered. And I quickly found a spray bottle of what could possibly be air freshener. "Try this."

And that worked for a few minutes until the guy returned yet again. "It still stinks."

"Is it a rental car?" I asked.

"Yes, it is."

"Well, just turn it back in then," I suggested.

"Oh, okay."

I expected him to come back when he realized turning it back in meant a two hour drive back to Denver in a car that smelled like shit. For some miraculous reason, he didn’t come back and I never saw him again. The thing I wonder is: Do classes in hospitality and hotel management have questions on their exams like: What do you do when a guest’s car smells like shit? I don’t have a hospitality degree, so I don’t know the answer.

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