Sunday, July 14, 2013

Mobster Motors--Part 1

"Hi," Rodney says.  "I'm looking for a used car."
"Name's Dave.  You come to the right place.  We've got 'em."
Rodney keeps looking at a white little jobby down on the end of the row. "What about that one?"
"Well, why don't you take it for a spin," Dave offers.
As they pull out of the stall, Rodney asks, "What's that smell?" He pulls out on the road, then looks in the rear view mirror, then slams on the breaks. "It's shit!"
"Well, they all are, frankly," Dave says.
"No, on the back seat. That's shit! Right there on the seat!"
"Yeah, what's you point?" Dave asks.
"I can't believe you'd try to sell me a car with shit in it? That's shit back there," Rodney exclaims.
"Well, I'm sure as hell not touching it," Dave explains.  "Look, take it back. I got another car that doesn't have any shit in it."
Rodney suspiciously checks the back seat of the second car. "Okay, this one's clean." They pull out of the lot. "This car smells funny. I thought you said there weren't no shit."
"There is no shit in this car," Dave insists.
Rodney pulls over, gets out and opens the trunk. There are two dead bodies laying in the trunk. "Shit!"
"That is not shit. Those are dead bodies," Dave says.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Trying to sell me a car with bodies in the trunk?" Rodney is getting quite upset. 
"Look, driving around at any given time there are at least a hundred cars out there with a dead body in the trunk. It's not that unusual," Dave says. "Look, we'll take a hundred bucks off the price if it makes you happy."
"You are seriously screwed up, man." Rodney throws the keys on the ground and walks away.
Dave parks the car back in the lot.  His sales manager approaches.  "How'd it go?" the boss asks.
"He made a big deal out of those bodies.  I'm having a hard time selling cars with those in the trunk. Any ideas?"
"Well," the boss replies, "that's why we put the shit in that other car, to distract them about the bodies."
"It doesn't seem to be working," Dave says. "There seems to be some inherent problem in this country with shit all over stuff.  It doesn't bother them in other countries. How about I clean out the shit and we cover the bodies with carpet."
"Good man," boss agrees.

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