Saturday, March 31, 2012

You tube

A few days ago I had a link to the new Dr. Who trailer.  Everybody and their dog (who has a blog) links to U tube. But, I got an email telling me I can't and threatening me with legal action, etc. So, the really cool Dr. Who trailer with cowboys, guns & aliens is gone. Never thought I'd actually see The Doctor with a gun. Oh well. That's corporate America.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Low Noon

Well, it's. Low Noon: Tales of Horror & Dark Fantasy From the Weird Weird West, edited by David B. Riley. You get some really cool stories and a just awesome cover.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Let's all go to Canada

Ontario's top court has legalized brothels, saying Canadian prostitution laws unfairly discriminate against prostitutes and their ability to work in safe environments.

A panel of five judges wrote that the law banning common bawdy houses "is grossly disproportionate" if all it aims to do is keep public order in a neighborhood and maintain public health standards.

"The record is clear that the safest way to sell sex is for a prostitute to work indoors, in a location under her control," the judges wrote in a much anticipated ruling.

"The impact on those put at risk by the legislation is extreme," the judges added.

However, the court stopped short of allowing prostitutes to openly solicit customers on the streets. The court ruled that prohibiting solicitation remains a "a reasonable limit on the right to freedom of expression."

"It is so nice to see that we are now brought out into society. I feel a debutante at a ball. We're almost full citizens so this is wonderful," said Valerie Scott, a former prostitute.

Supporters of the ruling said the laws governing prostitution in Canada would now have to change.

"Any form of criminalization pushes the industry underground and gives opportunities to predators. You can see it through the world," said Nikki Thomas, executive director of Sex Professionals of Canada.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

New Doctor friend

Former Emmerdale actress Jenna-Louise Coleman has landed the role of the Time Lord's new companion on Doctor Who.   That's not news, really. The last companion, Karen Gillam, and her husband Rory had pretty well run their course.  Now, I'll miss Amy Pond (Gillam) very much.  She made quite an impression when she first arrived.  I've always rather liked tall redheads.  I've also always had certain fantasies about British police women (yes, naughty fantasies). Amy first appeared dressed as a police woman, though one in an extra short skirt.  [She really wasn't a cop, but a kissing telegram].  Anyway, she got my attention. But, my delusional fantasies quickly faded when she hooked up with this Rory guy. Now, I just don't care anymore.  The new one's pretty cute.  I would've just killed off Rory and put Amy in a short skirt and I'd have been happy.  Amy's character actually first appeared as the seven year old Amelia Pond, technically. The Doctor stood her up when he was going to take her somewhere. I think a spunky seven-year-old companion would have been an interesting storyline, but they didn't ask me.  I'd also love for the Doctor to take off with a Frito Bandito-like character. A Mexican bandit would be way different than a Brit babe.  But they didn't ask me. I'd love to write a Doctor Who Episode. That ain't gonna happen. 

More free Spanish lessons right here

the Sasquatch had sex with the goat
el Sasquatch tenido sexo con la cabra

My aunt is not a vampire
mi tía no es un vampiro

I think I got all of the rat meat out of the meatloaf.
Creo que tengo todas las de la carne de rata de la pastel de carne

I know there is a dead body in the dumpster. Stop bugging me about it.
Sé que hay un cadáver en el contenedor. Deje de molestarme en ello.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Publishin

I spent most of the afternoon working on projects for Science Fiction Trails, where I am publisher. The issue is nearly full and it's still March. This is an annual magazine that is slated for October release.  It wasn't that long ago that I nearly had to beg for stories. For some issues, it seemed like there just weren't any to be found. Now, it's not all that hard to fill an issue. If sales were stronger, I might even considering increasing the frequency. That was a pipe dream just a few issues ago. As our sales, and especially our e-book sales, continue to grow, it may not be long before we see a quarterly magazine--but not this year. This year we'll hold the course. One reason we're on our eighth issue is we've taken a conservative tack. In the world of small press publishing, there are still plenty of storms to weather.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Six Guns Straight From Hell

There's a rather nice review of Six Guns Straight From Hell, which I am co-editor, up at www.sfsite.com
This is reviewed by Sandra Scholes, who has reviewed a few issues of Science Fiction Trails and seems to like cross genre fiction.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Adventures in the Secret Police

Well, the St. Patrick's Day Free Kindle book offer went fairly well. About 100 folks downloaded the free book.  Not bad, though the Valentine's Day offer for Six Guns Straight From Hell  generated 500 downloads.  Don't know when, or if, I'll offer another freebie. It's not a bad way to let people who aren't all that familiar with me try out some of my writing.  Adventures  was always the unwanted bastard child of my lineup.  It was accepted once many years ago, but that publisher was deliberately wasting my time--never would give me a contract and clearly had not intention of publishing it. Then, further attempts to sell it were flushed because I made the mistake of using Santa Claus as a character. "We don't do seasonal material."  Christmas is never mentioned in the book and has nothing to do with the story. It isn't a Christmas book.
Anyway, it's out now in Kindle and folks can read about Mr. North and the rest of the gang at the Secret Police.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Secret Police book

What's St. Patrick's Day got to do with my science fiction novel, Adventures in the Secret Police? Not much, frankly. But the Kindle version is free today. Just go to Amazon.com and download it. Why? Because I like you.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Frito Bandito Movie

Well, I still haven't gotten any interest in my movie, The Green Hornet Versus the Frito Bandito.

I had a Frito Bandito pencil eraser as a child. I wish I still had it. It, like my Batman stuff, are long gone. The Frito Bandito was removed from TV land because certain Latino groups protested that the character was racist. It probably was, but he just wanted some Fritos. Strangley, Speedy Gonzalez, the Warner Bros.cartoon character,  never seemed to garner such resentment. I used to have a Speedy Gonzalez cartoon character glass, but some crooks at an auction ripped me off.

Anyway, the only thing I haven't entirely figured out   with my movie is what to do with the cute red haired girl. Otherwise, it's basically a rap.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Bearded Guys From Outer Space

I have a beard. I grew it back in March of 2010. I was working for the Census Bureau at the time, though I don't think there was a direct correlation.  Now fast forward to present day. Today I passed by someone I used to work with when I was shopping at Walmart.  She did not recognize me. Walked right by me with no apparent recognition. I look about the same, with the exception of my beard.  So, either she no longer remembers me, or pretended not to notice me, or failed to recognize me because I now have a beard. If the latter is true, then I would recommend growing a beard if people are looking for you and you don't want to be spotted. Unless you're a woman.

Monday, March 12, 2012

More Spanish lessons right here

My television watches me sleep
mi televisión me mira dormir

The dead body is in my trunk
El cadáver está en mi baúl

The Sasquatch called immigration on us
el Sasquatch llama la inmigración sobre nosotros

The space aliens probed my butt.
los extraterrestres probaron mi culo

I gave the vampires your address
Me dio la dirección de los vampiros

the little green men stole my pizza
los pequeños hombres verdes robaron mi pizza

Saturday, March 10, 2012

John Carter of Mars

Haven't seen the John Carter movie. I'm always distrustful of Disney. I think they screw things up a lot when it comes to adaptive storytelling.  The original story was written by Edgar Rice Burrows before he became FBI director. I've long maintained that Burrows and J. Edgar Hoover were the same person. Think I'm an eccentric kook? Who was whom in the photos below?


Friday, March 9, 2012

Another Day Another Antho

Over at Science Fiction Trails, where I'm publisher, we're well on the way toward fulfilling my evil plot to flood the world with western horror anthologies. I've pretty well wrapped up the selection process for our latest--Low Noon.  What stung a bit was three rather well known pro writers had all promised to contribute--not one of them did. Unfortunately, who is in the book affects sales--a lot. There's a certain type of reader who won't buy a book if he/she doesn't recognize the names of the author(s).   I know we can't pay pro rates--we don't have the retail distribution to support pro rates. But, if these people had no intention of submitting, I don't know why they told me they would.

Fortunately, I now have a big enough writer pool that I don't actually need these particular writers. I've got a perfectly awesome book without them and they can drop dead for all I care. But, will it affect sales in the negative? Probably.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Making Friends

Does everyone you know hate your guts? Feel you haven't got a friend in the world?  Don't despair. Send me $200 by PayPal and I'll be your friend.

Westward Weird

I don't write a lot of reviews, but I thought I would do one for Westward Weird, edited by Martin H. Greenberg & Kerrie Hughes. I should mention that Martin died last year. He was a phenomena in the world of anthologies. Westward Weird is a solid collection of weird western stories. Like most anthologies, where you have a collection of different stories by different authors, some are going to be better than others. What we have here is a good assortment of the weird western genre with a variety of styles--some more on the science fiction side of things, some more horror oriented. I think anyone who like speculative fiction would be happy with this one.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Someone ate all the potatoes

There's a local diner type restaurant that I sometimes have lunch at. They had potato soup on the "lunch specials" menu. I love potato soup. So, I ordered some. It wasn't long before the kitchen cook person called over the waitress. I knew what that meant. Then, she came over and informed me they were out of potato soup and wondered if I wanted chili. I didn't want any chili. This happens every time they have potato soup. I've never actually eaten their potato soup.

One thing I like about their potato soup is they don't put bacon in it, just potato. I know this because I've seen others slurping down the potato soup. But I always seem to arrive just after they've run out. It's one of those items they only have once in a blue moon.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Skeletons in the closet

I'm working on a new horror book and found myself working on it until the wee hours of the morning. I remember when I was little. I had a skeleton costume for Halloween. For several nights, I had to have the light left on and I still had nightmares of skeletons. My mom threatened to never let me go Trick or Treating again, though she'd forgotten by the next Halloween.

Anyway, it occurred to me, with all of the horror projects I've been involved with, not once has anyone ever  submitted a story to me with any skeletons in it. I wonder why. Probably will never know.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Learn Spanish right here

I ate my dog for breakfast
Me comí mi perro para el desayuno

The flying saucer went away
El platillo volador se fue

They took rat off of the menu
Se llevaron rata fuera del menú

There is a ghost on the balcony.
Hay un fantasma a cabo en el balcón

I think my child is possessed by the devil
Creo que mi hijo está poseído por el diablo

May I please throw up in your bathroom?
Que me da la gana de vomitar en el baño?